Mineshaft Canaries

Elvira Mistress of the Dark

2008-09-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

It's Cassandra Peterson's birthday today (she's 57) and I still desperately want to fornicate with her.

Van Wastell RIP

2008-09-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

ponder this

2008-08-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder if Aerosmith made their early 90s video trilogy (Cryin', Amazing, Crazy) in response to Guns 'n' Roses early 90s video trilogy (November Rain, Don't Cry, and Estranged?) Without money being an issue, Axl made sure his bizarro fantasy world was finally unleashed to an unsuspecting, innocent world. Many of the same themes carry from one video to the next, titillating and confusing the viewer. I think this totally bummed out Steven Tyler, Joe Perry and those other dudes in the worst way ever. Reacting to this, they decided to do their own trilogy. Their only common thread? A totally hot & young Alicia Silverstone. She collectively gave our fine nation a boner. Everyone was into it. Here's the wikipedia description of the video for Cryin':

The music video for the song features the first appearance of Alicia Silverstone in the band's videos, as well as the band performing in a church in Fall River, Massachusetts.[1] The song flashes back and forth between the band and Alicia Silverstone, who plays a teen who has a falling out with her boyfriend (played by Stephen Dorff) after catching him cheating. She tries to kiss him but he pushes her away, she shoves him out of the car leaving him in the dust. She begins a phase of rebellion and individuality and gets a navel piercing, which has largely been credited as introducing navel piercing to mainstream culture.[2] After having her purse stolen by another young man (played by Josh Holloway of Lost), she chases him down and knocks him to the ground. The video then cuts to her standing on the edge of an overpass bridge, contemplating jumping. Her ex-boyfriend arrives on the scene, along with numerous police officers, encouraging her to come down from the overpass. She jumps, but is then revealed to be attached to a bungee-style harness, which arrests her fall and leaves her dangling over the freeway, laughing at Dorff's character. The video ends with the dangling Silverstone looking up at Dorff and giving him the finger.

That's easily the funniest thing I've read in a while. Youtube all the videos, watch them in order, and try to tell me you weren't into the Aerosmith ones. Nostalgic blogs are for wieners, but they truly embody the spirit on suburban, middle class, white kids of the era.

mitch

2008-08-16T10:34:00.001-07:00

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fucker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fucker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"

Decline of Western Civilization - The Germs

2008-08-14T22:46:00.000-07:00

For the best answer to the best question ever, wait till the 6:30 mark and let the hard-ons commence.

rules to live by

2008-08-12T19:52:00.001-07:00

According to my roommate Pat, you're "a little bitch" if you enjoy watching the summer games. So knock it off out there.

Jay's Journal

2008-08-11T23:34:00.001-07:00

Basically the boy version of Go Ask Alice. I read this book in jr. high and was warned by a teacher that it was a serious book not to be taken lightly. It was meant to scare kids straight, but reading about some dude that at 16 is getting laid, getting fucked up (homeslice totally slaughters an animal and drinks its fucking blood!) and dealing with the occult totally got me stoked. Why didn't they just hand out KISS records and get it over with already?

(Editors note: I posted this at 11:34? Turn that number upside down and it says HELL! Spooky!)

Everybody Wants Some

2008-08-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

Van Halen (Diamond Dave era of course) and a rock 'n' fuckin' roll Cheeseburger that scores sweet female cheeseburger pussy with his insane shredding. It's all my dreams wrapped into a ball of delicious! Fast forward to the 1:20 mark if you wanna cut the bullshit. Thats when it gets real.

Hot Doug

2008-08-11T22:17:00.001-07:00

Having a 9 to 5 has put a serious dent in my Hot Dougs intake. Dear Doug, I think about you.

my rules to live by

2008-08-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

If you're buying two sixers of tallboys with quarters at a CVS, you do not, I repeat DO NOT have the right to talk politics to the sales clerk or the people around you. Yes, George W. Bush is a total penis wrinkle, most of the country can agree on that one, but dude, really? Wise up man!

Potentialities #1

2008-08-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

Matt Irie Potentialities #1 2003

Irie kills it.
Style, grace, and smart alec humor.
Always the best.

...

2008-08-10T15:38:00.001-07:00

I finally have internet again.

for al

2008-05-06T16:39:00.000-07:00

koons

2008-04-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

VOID

2008-03-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

Has it really been a month since I've updated this blog? Holy shit, I guess so. I moved and have yet to get the internet in my new place. I don't really know what excuse Luca has though, despite being a total shithead. Hopefully I'll have a little more time soon and get this blog back up to par. My, what a worthless update this turned out to be!

Hot Food

2008-02-15T15:48:00.001-08:00

Hot Food is the brain child of Mike Conway (apparently Luca had a little to do with it as well) and it's pretty nifty. They told me that they'd print anything I gave them so I drew a really offensive comic in class one day and they took it. Talk about pulling the wool over their eyes! Anyway, it's funny as fuck, so contact them via their myspace page if you really want a copy. Prepare to shart from laughter! Here's what Quimby's had to say about it:
This zine is straight up out of middle school circa 1982. Everything from the fart jokes to the comic strips drawn on lined paper makes it completely obvious that social retards are behind this disaster. They probably came up with the idea when they all got together, smoked pot, and watched a marathon of those Meatballs movies. Yeah, those movies that involved whacky hijinks at summer camp. The first one starred Bill Murray and I think there was an alien in it. And I think the third one involved the ghost of a porn star trying to help the nerdy kid get laid. In any case, avoid Hot Food if you're older than 17 years.

2008-02-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

lost nick scrolls vol. 1.3

2008-02-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

black bart

2008-02-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

Runnin' With The Devil

2008-01-30T08:31:00.000-08:00

My freind Kris* posted this following link in a Myspace bulletin. I would highly recommend clicking on that shit right away, because it's seriously only a matter of hours before this shit hits the web hard and becomes the next Dancing Baby or even 2 Girls 1 Cup.

This link leads you to an MP3 of the classic Van Halen song "Runnin' With The Devil". But it's only Diamond Dave's lead vocal track. Holy shit. It seriously blows my mind that this ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY.

The moans, screams, and weird toy whistle during the guitar solo are probably my favorite part.

SO CLICK HERE AND FUCKING GET ON THIS SHIT!

*My buddy Kris is better known as 1/4 of The Brokedowns, who may have put out the best record of 2007, so get on that shit as well.

happy birthday roseanne barr

2008-01-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

speaking of sk8 or die

2008-01-24T07:49:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or did you always assume that the game modelled Poseur Pete after Christan Slater in Gleaming the Cube?

Next?

2008-01-23T05:46:00.000-08:00

They say people die in threes. With two notable deaths in young Hollywoold over the past week (Heath Ledger and Bran Renfro) one can only imagine who is next to go.

Here's hoping this kid:

Jesus Christ he was annoying!

RIP(ping)

2008-01-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

chicago skateboarding in the single digits

2008-01-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

lost nick scrolls 1.2

2008-01-18T07:49:00.001-08:00

REIGN IN BLOOD

2008-01-14T20:00:00.000-08:00

Today's featured article on wikipedia was about Slayer's Reign In Blood. Glad to see some hesh ass dudes manning the system.

Hi.

2008-01-14T09:45:00.001-08:00

I found this video synopsis while looking at pornography this morning:

3 vids of a disturbed bitch Audrey Hollander fucking an eggplant and a salami on their kitchen table.

gold, silver, bronze (Ryan Duggan edition)

2008-01-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Ryan Duggan is one of the hardest working sonsabitches I know. He curates the art gallery at People Projects, runs his own silk screen company, Drug Factory Press, plays in Black Ladies and the on again off again Skullzone, and he's the guy that came up with doing Power Hour with me. Oh yeah, he's also from McHenry County, just like me. Do I need to spell this out for you anymore; he's a real man's man. Here's his Gold Silver Bronze.

Best moments at People Projects?
1st. renewing the lease
2nd. having sex while metal bands are playing
3rd. basically using a gas station bathroom every morning

Best pick up lines while drunk?
1st. hello
2nd. who are you?
3rd. this is my house

Best reasons to stay punk rock?
1st. the tattoos are just sad if you aren't
2nd. being fat will be ok
3rd. music

Best moments out on tour?
1st. kids going apeshit for music they've never heard
2nd. black dudes with NO noses trying to sell me percocet (PA)
3rd. first night of drunk

Best tattoos that blow people's minds?
(not sure if this is mine or in general, i'll answer in general)
1st. butthole genesis spiderweb (real)
2nd. dick tattoos
3rd. neck tattoo that reads "FUCK" (real)

Best things about growing up in McHenry County?
1st. no blacks
2nd. just kidding
3rd. trees and water

Best reason to claim you're an artist?
1st. people think you are better than them
2nd. you are better than people
3rd. chicks

Best reasons not to eat any meat?
1st. it came from the inside of an animal
2nd. your cum tastes better
3rd. it doesn't taste that good (meat)

Best times to use racial humor?
1st. on a boat
2nd. stand up comedy clubs
3rd. in the privacy of your home

Best Peddy Cash moments?
1st. grand rapids '07, actually riding mopeds
2nd. getting inducted by drinking half a mouthful of boone's farm with nigel
3rd. getting more P-Eddy awards than lauren

Best time to crack open a sixer of Hamms?
1st. morning
2nd. noon
3rd. night

Best things about Chicago?
1st. people are stupid and lazy, so i look really good
2nd. most people here are fatter than me
3rd. the skyline

Ryan Duggan has a new show up this weekend called Attainable. It runs through February 3rd. Opening reception is this Friday, January 11th, from 6 to 10pm. This is something you don't want to miss.
People Projects
2129 N. Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL

lost nick scrolls 1.1

2008-01-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

portion of Martin Lawrence's monologue on SNL

2008-01-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

Something else concerns me and it hurts, see I'm, I'm single, I'm a single man, I don't have nobody, I'm looking for somebody and- but I'm meeting a lot of women out there, and you got some beautiful women, but you got some out there that, uh, I gotta say somethin'. Um... some of you are not washing your ass properly. (laughter & applause) OK? Don't- don't get me wrong, not all, some of you, you know what I'm sayin', uh... I'm sorry, 'Cause uh, listen, now, I don't know what it is a woman got to do to keep up the hygiene on the body I know, uh, I'm watching douche commercials on television, and I'm wonderin' if some of you are reading the instructions. I don't think so. Y'know, 'cause I'm getting with some of the ladies, smelling odors, going "Wait a minute. (gestures with index finger) Girl, smell this! This you! Smell yourself, girl."

Smell yourself! I tell a woman in a minute, douche! douche! Some women don't like when you tell them that, when you straightforward with them. "Douche!" They, (imitating woman) "Forget you! You cannot douche all the time, you're gonna wash all the natural juices out the body." I say, well, I dont give a damn what you do, put a Tic-Tac in your ass. Put a Cert in your ass. Oh, oh, y'know, this look like a good damn place for a Stick-up up in your ass.

I'm sorry, y'all. You got to wash properly. You know, and then, you know, 'cause I'm a man, I like to kiss on women, you know, I like to kiss all over their bodies, you know. But if you're not clean in your proper areas I can't... you know... kiss all over the places I wanna kiss. You know, some women'll let you go down, you know what I'm sayin', knowin' they got a yeast infection. (Some audience disgust) I'm sorry. Sorry. Come up with dough all on your damn lip... Got a bagel and a croissant on your lip. "Anybody got any butter?" I like jelly on mine.

Best of the Mineshaft (2007 edition)

2008-01-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Can you believe this shitty blog, that six people look at, has been up for about a year now? Sure it looked pretty grim here and there (August and November come to mind) but really, who gives a shit? If you're new to the blog and wanna weed through all the horseshit, I've compiled what I feel is a greatest hits sort of post to look back at what a magical year we shared in 2007.
A look at Jeopardy
coke mirrors and roach clips
Story of a girl pissing in a urinal
Sidewalk art in my neighborhood
Gold Silver Bronze interviews:
Pat, Brad, Luca
What's to come in 2008 you may ask yourself? Maybe Luca will start posting again this year. More interviews, more guest posts, more drawings, more talking shit, that sort of thing. Enjoy, fags.

a new dawn

2008-01-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

family pool

2007-12-30T14:48:00.000-08:00

Piero Manzoni was a real smart ass

2007-12-30T14:34:00.000-08:00

the end of chapter 1

2007-12-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

The gopher girl sat in the classroom all semester, eating unreasonable amounts of food, early in the morning. I call her the gopher girl because she resembled a giant human / gopher hybrid. It wasn't just like a bag of chips or something on par, but rather giant submarine sandwiches, exploding with condiments, along with a liter of coke, and only then the chips came into play. She seemed like a nice enough girl. She had the smile of someone that's been sexually depraved their entire life. Very unthreatening. Anyway, at the end of the semester we spoke about the possibility of books being replaced due to the technological advancements of works being available for download off the internet. After barely speaking at all the past few months she went into a tirade about how that will never happen and how she reads a novel a day. A novel a day? This means one of two things.
1. She's a really fast reader that uses her commute to and from school every day to expand her mind. Or
2. She has no friends what so ever, none, zilch, and spends her days buried in either a book or buffet.
I don't want to believe the latter, but my gut leans in that direction. I'm not trying to sound like a total asshole, but often as I drove to my night class I would see her standing at the bus stop devouring a gyro or something equally as gross in terms of sidewalk consumption. I look at her and wonder what her home must be like. If any man has ever slipped their tongue into her vagina and what she thought of it, although its very likely this has never happened. I try to contemplate if she's living a happier life than I am. She probably is, because I highly doubt she spends so much time thinking about all the strangers that come in and out of her life.
By the way, Luca and I are both finally done with college.

MOTIVATIONAL POSTER

2007-12-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

FORBIDDEN LOVE

2007-12-11T12:58:00.001-08:00

BE PREPARED

2007-12-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, flip it. Heads we go to the Boy Scout Jamboree, tails we attend the Hitler Youth rally. Call it in the air!

GOD FORGIVES, OUTLAWS DON'T

2007-12-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

The Man That Could Fly

2007-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

Life's Little Letdowns

2007-12-09T18:33:00.000-08:00

The Slinger / Diner Grill

2007-12-09T14:27:00.000-08:00

Those of you that know me well know of my love affair with Diner Grill (located at 1635 W Irving Park RD, right by Ashland.) Most famous for The Slinger (their version is a plate of hash browns, topped with two cheeseburger patties, topped with top eggs over easy, which is then smothered in chili, cheese, and onions) and being open 24 hours a day its kind of an ideal gathering place for total piles. It was packed at 4am this morning and I witnessed two first time experiences. First I saw a grizzled old man, whose hands were covered in dried up dirt, order a slinger, a tall stack of pancakes, and a large order or french toast. He didn't even eat at the counter, but rather standing up in the back corner. What the fuck is right! Second, I saw some dude roughly my age eat the scraps of three unfinished slingers left by other customers. All piled onto one plate, by the cook no less, and then covered in butter and other nastiness. It was more or less a full free slinger and dude chomped it down. When I was done eating I went outside and puked in the snow. It was fucking awesome.

Snoop Dogg -Sensual Seduction

2007-12-06T10:45:00.000-08:00

Holy fucking shit!

snow dough

2007-12-03T13:01:00.000-08:00

You know what's fucking fun? Whipping donuts after the first snow of the season! We got out first case of Old Man Frosts winter pounding this weekend and you can bet your sweet ass I rode around recklessly in circles. No matter how old I get its one of those things that will always rule. When I was in Jr. High my friend Brendan lived across the street from a high school parking lot and when it would snow you could just sit in his living room all day and wait for hordes of angst driven, hormonally retarded teens to smoke joints and KILL IT in their hand me down junky lemons. With that in mind, dear reader, I implore you to thrash.

Return of Luca

2007-11-28T23:11:00.000-08:00

Remember Luca? He used to post here and then we got into a bunch of arguments about blogging and I kicked him off the site without his knowledge. Man, that shit was funny as fuck! Anyway, we were talking on AIM about pornstar Nick Manning (one of Luca's current favs) and he had this to say about him:
Luca Cim Cims: its so funny
Luca Cim Cims: hes always like
Luca Cim Cims: agressive
Luca Cim Cims: like i was watching this one
Luca Cim Cims: and janine was taking his pants off
Luca Cim Cims: and he was like
Luca Cim Cims: "HURRY UP!"
Luca Cim Cims: its like
Luca Cim Cims: chill out
That's not his actual screen name, so don't freak out maaaaan. Also, I've really been slacking on the posts lately so I figured why not give Luca a platform to talk shit again. Enjoy the hate.

Jeopardy - tourney of champs week!

2007-11-12T14:01:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else watch Jeopardy today with this little sassafras on? He goes by the name Doug and he's one cute lil' fucker! Just look at how brazen he is. He stood like that for just about the entire episode. Don't you just want to buy him a wowwy pop and brush his hair? In case you were wondering, he came back from behind for the motherfucking win! See you in the finals, young prince.

bruce mcculloch

2007-11-02T11:49:00.001-07:00

A friend is an enemy that hasn't betrayed you yet.

Life's Little Treasures

2007-10-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here eating my cheap promotional McDonald's cheeseburger (only 59 cents today) when I turn on NPR for some easy listening. My radio isn't the finest so the clearest signal I get also picks up another station. Right now there's some discussion on the fate of the planet based on humanities current decisions, meanwhile "Everybody Dance Now" is playing faintly in the background. This moment rules, really hard.

blind man's dilemma

2007-10-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

I hope y'all like microsoft paint, cause there's more where this came from.

when puff daddy was cool

2007-10-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

Tell your friends, to get with my friends and we can be friends
Shit we can do this every weekend

still a classic (Bill Ripken)

2007-10-23T16:46:00.001-07:00

Nothing new, but eternally awesome.

Satellite Tracking

2007-10-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

I can sit and stare at the NASA Satellite Tracking System forever.

carnival coke mirrors

2007-10-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

I have a new item I'd like to begin collecting and its coke mirrors. No, not just any coke mirror, but the 1980s carnival prize coke mirrors. As a kid I was baffled as to why anyone would want a 6" by 6" mirror with Metallica's Ride The Lightning image painted on its surface, but now I understand all too well. What better to blow cane than with some shitty carnival prize? Those things are hesh as fuck and I want in. I realize a bunch of these things are available on ebay now, but I'm not shelling out the cash. If anyone ever sees one of these gems buy it and I will gladly take it off your hands. Also, as an added bonus, if you happen to find any of those carnival roach clips with the feathers and leather bands hanging from them, I'll take those too.

These might actually be even sweeter than the mirrors.

How Crayons Are Made

2007-10-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

I had a dream recently where I discussed this video with some stranger in a park. I think they were French. Sure enough someone posted it on youtube and God bless 'em for it. My brain is now melting. Enjoy!

gold, silver, bronze (Luca Cimarusti edition)

2007-10-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Luca Cimarusti is a total shithead. Remember how he used to post on this blog and then I kicked him off because I'm an asshole? Good times. Anyway, he's playing drums in two bands right now, but I'm only going to mention one of them, The Catburglars, because that's the one I like more. Here's my best friend / worst enemy's edition of Gold, Silver, Bronze.

Best moments at the Fireside Bowl?
1. Live band karaoke in January of 2003. I could write a novel about that night. Highlights include Nick singing a really, really bad rendition of "Hot Blooded" while only wearing a sweater vest and ceiling tiles getting ripped down. Fake IDs were all the rage, maaaaan.
2. The time Ken Berens showed up wearing cargo shorts. Cargo shorts!
3. The time Ken Berens got really drunk and puked all over the shitty bathroom and wiped his mouth off with a Lawrence Arms flier.

Best items you've lost when you've been shitfaced drunk?
1. My back teeth.
2. My wallet.
3. My dignity.

Best Dane Mennen moments?
1. The time Dane Mennen took a runny, orange diarrhea in the backyard of our old apartment.
2. This one time Dane was fucking some other girl in his girlfriend's bedroom. The girlfriend's guy friends stormed the room and wrecked Dane's shit while he was butt-naked.
3. This one time Dane got a hand-job while sitting at a bar. WHAT THE FUCK!?
*4. BONUS MOMENT!!: The time Dane shoved a piece of pizza up his ass and then ate it.

Best things about being Italian?
1. Getting away with being a huge scumbag. It's expected in Italian-American culture.
2. Eating like a goddamn glutton.
3. Smelling like garlic all of the time.

Best words you've heard come out of my mouth?
1. Once Nick told a bunch of people that I invented the n-word.
2. "It's a miracle we just got home alive."
3. "The best thing about being an adult is that I can drink a whole box of Capri Sun if i want, and no one can say anything about it."

Best all time daily specials at Hot Dougs?
1. The Mountain Man sausage was the greatest thing I've ever put into my mouth. It was a blend of antelope, wild boar, bison, and elk. It was like eating a goddamn forest preserve. Is something like this even legal?
2. Anything with lamb.
3. The Spicy Pork Hot Link with the Coca-Cola BBQ sauce. Shit tastes like a giant breakfast sausage. God, vegetarians are stupid.

Best reasons to play in numerous bands at the same time?
1. The unmeasurable amount of pussy.
2. Being able to stretch my musical muscles into previously unforged territory. Shit really makes me a better drummer!
3. Being too busy to have an actual social life, which is cool because I don't really like any of my stupid friends anyway.

Best times you've dealt with the law?
1. The time we got pulled over for speeding and Ken Wadman and I were shitface drunk in the backseat. Our pants were undone because we had just peed at the side of the road and the cop called us "queers."
2. Getting arrested when I was 15 for trying to knock over a 20-foot high snowman.
3. Getting a ticket the other day because I made a U-turn in front of a cop. What an idiot!

Best things about being a long hair?
1. The unmeasurable amounts of pussy.
2. Disappointing my parents.
3. Truly understanding what it feels like to "have the wind in your hair".

Best perks of working a register at a grocery store?
1. Being really rude to customers.
2. Ruining rude customers' groceries, like grapes and bread.
3. Laughing to myself when your credit card gets declined. Ha, you're poor!

Best things to be a total nerd about?
1. Pornography.
2. Punk bands from the 80's.
3. Comic books.

Best things about Chicago?
1. Food.
2. There is a small handful of really, really good bands.
3. There is a small handful of ok people.

Okay, okay, he also plays in the LA Kings.

Me, Skateboard

2007-09-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

I could have sworn I'd posted this before, but I guess I didn't. Here's a clip from the final Big Brother video Crap, where Dave Carnie combines my two favorite things in the world, skateboarding and high end art. Click on the Whalecock link for more from Carnie.

Scott Bourne

2007-09-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Where has ol' black arms been lately? I miss seeing his footage cause every time a photo or video part came out it was always super gnarly. This part is a little long, but I highly suggest watching it in its entirety. Enjoy.

Nate Jones

2007-09-18T19:55:00.000-07:00

Taken from the video Real to Reel. There are a lot of rad parts in this video, but I went with this one because Nate Jones has one of the best looking 360 flips ever. Also, watch Matt Field's part if you get a chance. I fucking hate hippies, but holy shit does his skating leave me wanting to praise Jah.

world's largest corn maze

2007-09-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

One of the best parts about having grown up in northern Illinois was its vast farm land. Down the street from my parents house there's a farm stand, never really manned, full of fresh vegetation with a wooden box and the prices for each good located next to it. Its just assumed that you'll pay for whatever you take. The honor system isn't implicated much these days, as most people are total assholes, but there's still a good sense of trust where I grew up.

Aside from that, farmers must find other ways to make money on the account that our economy sucks and well, farmers seem to always get the shit end of the stick. It totally blows. Donate to Farm Aid or something. Anyway, also not far from my home town of Crystal Lake is the town Spring Grove. It's a small town located in the northeastern corner of McHenry Country, right near the Wisconsin border. It's also the home of The Richardson Farm and the World's Largest Corn Maze. Here's what it looks like this year:

There's also a mini maze as well that looks like this:

I've gone in the past and its good old fashioned Midwestern fun. You get a little card with check points and have to find your way around to each of them. It's awesome. I'm going to make the trip next weekend if anyone wants to join me. Fall is here and I couldn't be more pleased. Next fall update: how to carve dirty images into pumpkins.

eastern exposure zero

2007-09-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

FULL VIDEO, more or less and it's a short one. I had only really been skateboarding for a year or two when this video came out and I remember it blew my fucking mind. Ricky Oyola in particular. Fuck.

POWER HOUR

2007-09-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

I feel its time to let the cat out of the bag. My comrade Ryan Duggan and I are doing a public access show. Learn more about it by visiting our myspace page for now (click here dummy.) Soon we'll have an actually website where each episode will be available for your viewing pleasure. We're filming the very first episode this Thursday, September 13, 2007 with musical guests Cougars. We've got a lot of rad things planned and even though the first episode won't be available for a few weeks I want to at least put the word out there and get people excited (you should be stoked.) Add the myspace for any and all updates, which we'll start cranking out sooner than you'd think. While it appears incredibly juvenile on the surface there will be much sophistication below the façade. Get ready for greatness.

Marcus McBride

2007-09-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

As far as underrated skaters go, Marcus McBride is at the top of my list. He skates Pier 7 harder and faster than anyone, as displayed in the video clip above, taken from Deca – Sneak Preview.

gold, silver, bronze (Brad Vandenberg edition)

2007-09-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

Brad of isitweird? and PEDDY CA$H (sensing the theme here?) fame was kind enough to answer a few questions for gold, silver, bronze. Next step, relocating him and his girl to the windy city.

Best perks of working in the skate / surf industry?
1st. relaxed work environment
2nd. open bars
3rd. hot chicks

Best Canadian imports?
1st. michelle
2nd. oil
3rd. labatt's

Best moped rallies ever?
1st. Bling BQ IV
2nd. Kzoo rally 12 (where I met everyone)
3rd. SF Trick or Treat rally (best ride ever)

Best things about living in southern California?
1st. weather
2nd. the beach
3rd. the mountains

Best things to nerd out over?
1st. video games
2nd. computers
3rd. skateboarding

Best jokes at your expense?
1st. my joke killing abilities
2nd. when pat made fun of my jeep
3rd. anything michelle ever says about me

Best things about growing up in Michigan?
1st. summers on the lake
2nd. the weather builds character
3rd. the feeling that there must be more out there

Best reasons to get into bowling?
1st. because it's fun
2nd. relaxation
3rd. beer

Best Peddy Cash moments?
1st. Walking into that party after I won lower wacker at Bling BQ II, everyone was cheering for some reason.
2nd. peddy cash bro down sesh in virgina
3rd. planning the creature flag heist with curt and alex

Best times to start drinking throughout the day?
1st. the first beer after work anyday
2nd. early morning rally weekend beer
3rd. anytime friends show up

Best travel destinations?
1st. chicago
2nd. the mountains
3rd. kalamazoo for the rally

Best reasons for not smoking the devil's weed?
1st. thinking way tooo much
2nd. chronic masturbation
3rd. bad bad bad thoughts

gold, silver, bronze (PT Edition)

2007-09-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a new feature where I barely have to write anything on my own accord. I ask friends of mine to give me their top 3's on various topics. Enjoy.

PT
Patrick Turner is a moped aficionado that drinks like a fish and lurks heavy in hip hop videos. How such a friendly guy can hate so hard is an enigma that will forever haunt me. Who better to start off the gold, silver, bronze interviews?

Best reasons for being your own boss?
1st. Not having a boss
2nd. the P's are proud
3rd. Massive cell phone debt

Best variations of asspiss?
1st. Anologpiss
2nd. Blastpiss
3rd. The Flooze

Best moped rallies ever?
1st. BlingBq2
2nd. SF
3rd. Bro-trip to MI

Best things about living in Chicago?
1st. Bitches
2nd. Blunts
3rd. Beers

Best things about having your own mini ramp?
1st. Solo sessions blastin jamzz yo
2nd. Locals only brah
3rd. Watching drunk people try to drop in

Best times to press on regardless?
1st. Now.
2nd. Always.
3rd. Forever.

Best Tribe Called Quest albums?
1st. Peoples instinctive travels and the paths or rhythm
2nd. Low end theory
3rd. Midnight marauders

Best movies to pass out to when you’re expecting company?
1st. Brewsters millions
2nd. Old war movies
3rd. Star wars

Best Peddy Cash moments?
1st. Kzoo Bbq10
2nd. Curt and Nigel van smash in RVA 06
3rd. Brads first ped ride in Chicago on a scooter

Best bars to get a Bloody Mary?
1st. Any bar in the FLA keys
2nd. Underbar
3rd. Bayview Gardens

Best times to hate on someone / something?
1st. When everyone loves it I.e. Photobooths
2nd. Listen to: The Smiths "Heaven knows I'm miserable now"
3rd. When trying to cover up lies. What difference does it make.

Best tricks for fucking with dogs?
1st. Staring contests
2nd. Leg lock
3rd. Playing dead

Best times had while living in the dungeon?
1st. When I had a roommate.
2nd. Stellas
3rd. The day the sauna worked

For further investigation check out:
Warbux Mopeds
2123 N. Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL
(see links for website)

Huf in Skate More

2007-08-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted any skate clips in a while, so here's one now. Is there such a thing as bad footage of Huf?

THE FOLLY & THE RUSE

2007-08-08T11:38:00.001-07:00

THE FOLLY & THE RUSE
New works by Nicholas Rouley

August 10 – 20, 2007
Opening reception on:
August 10th, 2007
6 – 10PM

People Projects
2129 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Chicago, IL
Gallery Hours are Saturday and Sunday: 12 to 5PM
Or by appointment through the 20th

Mineshaft Canaries Issue #2

2007-07-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Issue number two of Mineshaft Canaries will be available August 10th on the account that I duped People Projects into letting me have a show in their fine gallery space. This one doesn't have any of that long drawn out writing bullshit in it, just a slew of naughty little drawings. This one is going to run in a very low edition on account that it will be streaming in full Technicolor. Yes, you read that right. But, I'm poor and it's gonna cost a fuck load to print out, so if you'd like me to hold a copy for you in advance leave a comment or get a hold of me. This one ain't free. If they don't sell out at the show (they won't) I'll bring a few copies into Quimby's for the masses. Act now (or then being August 10th!)

By the way, I still have like 50+ copies of the first issue, so if you want one I'll get you one. As a heads up, it totally fucking sucks.

Eh hem

2007-07-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that a number of people have located my blog by google searching "ejaculated all over her face." To that, I say "fucking awesome!" To the family members who have google searched my name and come across posts like this I say "I'm sorry." That is all.

thwee

2007-07-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

Around eight am on a Saturday morning Maria and Thomas sat in a tree just above their sandbox. Maria, nine, was three years older than her little brother Thomas. Maria was missing her five of her essential front teeth she was. Accompanied by her speech impediment her speech was doomed for weeks ahead.

Thphomas, thwing thwoo the bwanches like thhimpanzee wiff me.

Thomas paid no attention to his sister's request and thought about how crummy his breakfast was (Frosted Flakes.) His slingshot was taut and his target was in sight.

In the next yard over pudgy, teenaged Kyle was sharpening his shiny new hunting knife, gleaming in the sun. He planned on preying wild boar in the woods. Kyle laughed slightly to himself. No longer would any of the school children laugh at him. Surely not after he wore his sleek new pelt to school, they would not. This weekend would be the last of his shameful sulking days alone.

Thphomas, whussth thaht you got ova thhhere?

The blade, bright, pleased Kyle, it did. He held it up to the sky to get a good look at it. The suns reflection danced across he boys swollen face.

Thomas hated Kyle. Kyle was a total dick to Thomas. His arm grew steady, he held his breathe.

The glare from the blade seduced Kyle. He couldn't take his eyes off it, the glare so bright. Much like the time he caught his grandpa taking a bath, his gaze was focused on the forbidden subject matter. By this point the blade was being held directly above head.

Thomas let out a shot as straight as the crow flies and struck Seth directly in the Adam's apple. The dagger was immediately released from the engorged hand, falling head first in the center of Seth's right eye. Blood began to pour down his face, staining his freshly bleached white shirt. Thomas sat up straight, smiling, proud of his accomplishment. Kyle fainted due to the trauma and loss of blood.

Thphomas, theriswy, why did you do tphat? I dahn't tphinks no one thaws what you juss did. Wets git inthide bahfour thome one fands out. You'th nah wheel boff be in theweious twubble, so wets go.

They jumped out of the tree, went inside, and played with legos. Maria made a horse and Thomas made a skateboard.

what?

2007-07-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

About 30 minutes ago I was a few houses down from my own when a brunette passed by me on the street. She was looking at me so I gave my polite half smile when she narrowed her eyes and said "déjà vu." The upsetting fact is that I don't remember that having ever happened before. How peculiar.

A Day In The Life

2007-07-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

While digging around through old folders on my computer I stumbled across this ms paint rendering created by my friend Dan documenting a day in his life, during his freshman year of college. It's a little dated (notice the live journal reference) but goddamn is it hilarious.

BLINGBQ 4 - THE TREATMENT

2007-07-05T15:25:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year again and we here at PEDDY CA$H proudly present BLINGBQ 4. The mayhem begins Friday the 13th and I know you don't wanna miss this shit. Booze, fireworks, lower wacker races, swarming, pool party, music, hardcore fucking, the smell of two stroke for days on end, blood, mistakes, fun!

Chalk up another one for the USA

2007-06-28T15:30:00.001-07:00

The bald eagle has been removed from the list of endangered species. Hey Taliban, rabbits, hares, raccoons, muskrats, deer fawns, grebes, alcids, ducks, gulls, coots, egrets, geese, trout and salmon: it sucks to be you!

sidewalk art?

2007-06-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

By no means is Roscoe Village the best neighborhood in the city, but I've made it my home for 3 years now. It's quaint, relatively small, and close to several stops on the brown line. It lacks character (welcome to Whitesville), tends to be a little yuppie (that bar VOLO is blowing it), and it gets crowded on the weekends, but in the end the pros overwhelm the cons. The following four pictures are located within 5 minutes walking distance from my front door and each and every one of them is a distinctive trait to things I've noticed in the sidewalk. Click to enlarge each image, the first one probably needs it.

Image #1

This first picture comes courtesy of my former roommate Luca. Remember, he used to post on here before I was a dick and kicked him off? Anyway, he was seeing this girl for almost two full years. In the beginning of their relationship they flew cross country every month just to be together. He moved to Florida and together they moved back to Chicago. Then he went and wrote this on the corner from their shared apartment in a freshly laid patch of sidewalk. Two weeks later the relationship came to a screeching halt and she moved out shortly there after. Sucks for them, but pretty awesome for the rest of the world.

Image #2

What the fuck happened here? Either way you know that the squirrel got fucked. I mean, that indent is pretty detailed. That little motherfucker must have tried hopping from one tree to another, missed, and then fallen perfectly into the unblemished, wet cement. How did he get out so smoothly? There's no trace of struggle anywhere, yet there's foot prints leading out. The first few times I walked over this area I imaged that it fell at the perfect moment, causing it a slow death only to be chipped away by the city with a hammer or pulled out of its arms and legs by a merciless child. Also, the imprint is pretty deep, so you know that bones were broken. It shall forever remain a mystery!

Images # 3 & 4

Fuck yeah! SLAYER RULES!! METAL!!! As if this wasn't cool enough, just two squares down we see this...

What's that you say, the Slayer enthusiast either goes by or associates with someone under the name T-BONE and they may possibly live near me? I know that they were written at the same time as the tiles are equally weathered. This isn't technically Roscoe Village, but it's just outside the border. It's almost like a warning sign to all the young rich couples that moved into the area. Don't wander off too far at night cause there are hessians lurking around every corner!

Flood of Roscoe Village 2007

2007-06-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

It rained quite a bit the past few hours. A lot is probably a more accurate description. I took the following pictures in my neighborhood (Roscoe Village) in Chicago. When it rains people drive like morons, so one can only expect the dumbest people on earth to drive around during a minor flash flood. I went outside and took pictures of people getting stuck in the water. They didn’t look too stoked when they saw me.

Here's a sweet sequence of a dumb ass cabbie trying to make it through the puddle.

I think I can make it!

I don't think I can make it!

Almost there…

Dammit, now my car is fucked!

There's been a constant stream of sirens going off for the last 30 minutes. One guy in a mini van wasn't so lucky and had to recruit people to push him out. Most my neighbors stood outside and laughed with me. I sat on my front porch, dry, winking at people. Occasionally someone would wade through the puddle under the bridge (thigh high) and then a SUV would drive through sending waves crashing against the wall and their bodies. Floods are cool when you're in the safety of your own home.

Fundraiser for Glenn

2007-06-19T01:25:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my good friend Glenn hit an unlucky patch of asphalt while we were in Cincinnati and ended up in a heap of trouble. Unfortunately, the wreck left him in really bad shape, which meant a trip to the ER and multiple operations. Glenn was the 17th member of the Moped Army, meaning he’s one of the originals. He’s without insurance, so a donation of any size will help out and go to a good cause. If you have anything to give, please don’t hesitate to help get a good man back on his feet. Thank you. (photo courtesy of Travis Deuel)
Fundraiser for Glenn

POINT / COUNTERPOINT (that I over heard in Wicker Park last night after the Hyper Viper show.)

2007-06-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

POINT (dude #1): You see, Shrek 3 is clearly the best of all the summer sequel films coming out this year. Not only is the animation continually innovative and impressive, but the humor works on all ages of life. While the stars have big names it doesn't rely on the fact that familiar faces grace the screen, such as the case with Ocean's 13. All I'm saying is that you should go see it.

COUNTERPOINT (dude #2): That movie looks gay. Everything you just said to me sounded really gay. Clearly you must me gay.

spare change

2007-06-06T11:34:00.001-07:00

One of my neighbors glued a quarter and a penny to the sidewalk right in front of their house. The first time I saw it I naturally went for the quarter. I'm not sure if they saw it or not, but the second I realized what was going on I looked into their front window and mouthed the word "awesome."

summer

2007-06-06T10:54:00.001-07:00

"Let go of my shirt, you fucking faggot!"
These are the words that took me from my book of short stories. I spent a chunk of my morning on the beach between Chicago and Grand. I didn't have any cigarettes to distract me so I settled with a book. Shortly after sitting down two groups of kids strolled in.
If I had to guess I would say their average age was around 18. Both groups roughly held around a dozen strong. The first, much louder group consisted of those who had clearly grown up here in the city. They were all Hispanic, 9 boys and 3 girls. Those of us sitting around prior to their arrival heard them coming from the tunnel on Lake Shore Drive. Not only were they loud, but also offensive. No one seemed to mind because at some point we were all rather loud and offensive. They set up a grill on the sea wall and while the girls began preparing the food the boys began playing tackle football in the sand. Despite the sun shining bright they all wore baggy pants or shorts along with oversized t-shirts or basketball jerseys. They were pretty good.
Within a few minutes a second group of white kids showed up, 9 girls and 4 boys. Suburban trust fund kids. Each and everyone one of them had chiseled immaculate bodies. Rather than immediately finding a spot on the open beach they paced around for a good five minutes before settling on a place to lay their towels. The four boys picked first and then the girls made camp 15 yards away. The prettiest of the girls took her clothes of first. Shortly after they were all in there new bikinis checking each other out. The game of football took a short break and then it got violent, each trying to play as hard as they could. The white girls didn't notice. By this time white boys had charged the lake, in that awkward sprint people do when they're running through two or three feet of water. As they exited the water they all stood together arms folded. I imagined that the water was freezing this time of year. I never bothered to investigate.
Slowly the boys, glistening in the morning sun, approached the girls. One of them grabbed an unsuspecting girl, threw her over his shoulder caveman style, and marched towards the water. The other girls sat and observed, perhaps fearing any sort of reaction would result in their own unfortunate fate. As the lead boy neared the water the others pumped their fists, high fived, and one actually jumped up and down. Once he was deep enough he really let her have it. Her body almost skipped across the surface. The boy then shrugged his shoulders and joined his friends. The whole scene was very anticlimactic. The girl shook herself off, making sure the boys watched, and then laid out with the rest of the girls. As I got up to leave the white boys started digging a hole in the sand.

weirdo doppelgangers

2007-05-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does Khalil Greene of the San Diego Padres remind you anyone? Yeah, I think he’s just like Spicoli too.

above the influence my ass

2007-05-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

So wait, let me get a few things straight here. Dude smokes a little grass when an alien comes down and steals his girlfriend because she's bummed he togged up a little bit in the park? Right, that's really what happened? This sends two terrible messages out to the youth of today. Either weed is so fucking mind blowing that you'll take one puff and immediately see some face melting shit or that it's not okay to light up, but its fine to run off with a stranger without saying toodles to your family. Dude, pass the bong.

IMDB birthday game

2007-05-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

Just about everyday that I can remember I check the internet movie data base for the daily celebrity birthdays. The main page will display generally the four biggest stars of the day and I usually make my roommate(s) guess just how old Jerry Seinfeld or whoever is. Well, today's biggest star is Peter Mayhew (63). Yes, the guy that played Chewbacca in the original Star Wars trilogy. How do you think that makes today's number two, Jason Gray-Stanford (37), feel? Sure he's not Hollywood's brightest star, but at least he's been on a bunch of network shows (such as the critically acclaimed Monk, which I've never seen) and apparently became great friends with Russell Crowe on the set of their film Mystery, Alaska. Surely that out ranks him over fucking Chewie. Whatever. Oddly enough I would've voted for today's number four as numero uno: Sean Whalen. Holy shit, Sean Whalen is 43!

Side note: There's really nothing more intriguing than the forums on IMDB. The worst people in the world post their opinions and erroneous information all over the boards. Yet, I am quite amused on the fact that on Peter Mayhew's page everyone talks about what an asshole he is in real life. So hey Peter Mayhew, FUCK YOU! Love, the IMDB community of shitheads.

doesn't translate well

2007-05-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

How come the color of this sofa wasn't covered in any of my color theory classes?

tv life

2007-05-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

About an hour ago I was in Jewel and had just grabbed a case of Miller High Life when an employee of Miller came in and began unloading a bunch of beer for the cooler. He was wearing those sweet navy blue shorts and rocking a 1980s dad moustache. He took one look at my future purchase, we nodded at one another and he said, "Good choice my friend." Man, it was FUCKING AWESOME!

wet paint

2007-05-16T12:04:00.001-07:00

Ah yes, the Wet Paint song from Sesame Street. For some reason this video made me incredibly uncomfortable when I was a child. It made me feel naughty and dirty. Watching it again now I have no idea as to why, but here it is in all it’s glory.

Aww piss!

2007-05-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

I actually wrote this story a few months ago in a different blog, but I highly doubt many of the same people read both. It takes place on January 2nd of this year at the Horseshoe, a north side bar that features 25 cent beers and country music every Tuesday. Enjoy.

Apparently the Horseshoe's 25 cent beer night is now 50 cent beer night and they charge a two dollar cover. What a fucking bummer. I was only in there for about 30 minutes, but I witnessed something truly astonishing.

After a few small cups of beer I had to pee so badly I could taste it. As I was entered the bathroom a girl tried following me in. I explained to her that she was welcome to use the men's bathroom, but unfortunately there was nothing but urinals available at the moment. She told me this made no difference to her. Somehow this information went right over me as all I could think about was getting sprayed with a fire hose in a rain storm. Naturally, I left her behind, unzipped and let loose an unyielding stream of piss. Meanwhile, a dirty looking fat guy was leaving the bathroom. He proved to be the pervert I imagined as immediately says to the girl, "I'm calling your bluff, use the urinal, I wanna watch!" Enter second creepy guy waiting to take a leak. He pops his head in the doorway and urges her on with, "C'mon baby, do it!" To which she replies with, "Fine, I don't give a fuck!" The next thing I know there's a girl standing at the urinal next to me with her pants and underwear down around her ankles crouching over the bowl taking a piss. I look back and forth at her and the creepy scurvy guys watching the entire thing, just staring at her bare ass.

When we were finished I washed my hands and she chose not to.

Kareem Campbell in Trilogy

2007-05-09T12:01:00.000-07:00

'Reem has been getting footage again lately, so I figured I'd post up one of his best parts. I remember when this video came out I'd watch this part after school to get hyped up before going out. I think it was around this time also that he had that Transworld interview where he just killed it. I'm pretty sure that was the one where he talked about getting into skating cause it got him around the city when he was slanging drugs. Fuck yeah.

Andy Roy pt. 2

2007-05-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

Andy Roy rules. I hope he's not dead now.

Give me the amulet, you bitch!

2007-05-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

It's the 20th anniversary of one of my all time favorite films, The Monster Squad, and on the occasion it is finally being released as a two disc dvd set! One of the reasons I'm still drawn to this movie is that it was pretty vulgar at times, despite the fact that its target audience was children. I was having a conversation about this just the other day. We had You Can't Do That On Television(look for a future post on this show) and other types of atrocities. My generation saw incredibly rapid development in technology, while hippy dippy baby boomers were running the entertainment industry. It seems like we were the last group of children to undergo a trial and error process of standards and all the wonderful mistakes helped make us who we are today. I feel bad for kids who grew up on anime. Total bummer for them. Anyway, back to the movie, it's still hilarious from reel to reel. From the infamous scene were they kick the Wolfman in the balls, to a fat kid's nickname being "fat kid" it's nonstop hilarity. Man, I can't wait to buy this film and I couldn't recommend it to you anymore. This is the opposite of, as Frankenstein says in the movie, "Bogus!"

Here's a small clip with one and a half scenes from the film. Rudy, the baddest motherfucker ever, appears in both. Note the teenage smoking and use of the word "faggot." Enjoy!

anti-drunk room

2007-05-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

A few years ago while I'd been drinking I did some artwork for a friend's room while he was at school. I had free range since he was away, but had to make it quick knowing my time was limited. My state of mind had convinced me that he'd wanted me to create something magnificent to surprise him. I came up with the anti-drunk room. The upper most border of each wall was given a small stencil of a sheep facing the left. Each sheep was then given a specific number, which counted upwards in the direction they were facing. The reason the sheep continually walked west was due to the fact that I realized anytime I've ever been so drunk that I got the spins they went to the right. This way my friend, who was quite a lush at the time, could counterbalance his nightly chore of getting sick in bed. It also has the obvious tie in of trying to fall sleep while counting sheep. Duh. Additionally, I like that it looked a lot like a child’s room, despite the very naughty things going on within its walls.

lack of readership

2007-04-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've noticed a steady decline in readership here on Mineshaft Canaries, so I've brainstormed a few ideas on how to draw in an audience. Often I'll get some hits based on obscure google searches and that's lead me to a new plan. Every so often I'm going to just type in a bunch of obscure words that will bring in the masses and then once they're here perhaps they'll stick around or, better yet, come back again and again. Here's the first installment:

Carmen Sandiego porn, one legged cat race, beans (the musical fruit), high fives against vegans, three cheers for ear infections, erectile fun-fun-function, caterpillar smoothie, worlds longest handstand, unionist hipsters, blue collar bone, milky tears, Dorf on homoerotism, dykes on trikes (three wheeled bikes!), extra mayo with black olives, pork chop dog fight, the ass piss boys choir, human burrito, timid dominatrix, hippy on fire, one less nostril, fat men in space, sneaky uncle, a woman named Hoss.

That should be enough for today. C'mon readership! I'll update if anyone actually gets on this blog as a result of searching one of these terms.

UPDATE: Thus far people have found the blog searching: worlds longest handstand and dykes on trikes

show reviews

2007-04-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

Last night Luca and I went around and took in some of the finer moments Chicago had to offer us on a gorgeous Friday evening. The evening started off by attending the opening reception of Tony Fitzpatrick's latest show The City Etchings 1993 – 2003. Hot Doug was catering, but by the time we showed up at 8 Doug informed us he'd served his only 400 wieners within the first hour. Damn, the Reader prints that there's going to be free Hot Dougs with beer and the wolves come out. Anyway, the work was excellent, as one can usually expect from Fitzpatrick. I posted up a picture of his piece Riverview Ghost because, well, I live right over where the Riverview Amusement Park once resided. Quite worth anyone's time if they find themselves here in the windy city in the next few months. It's being held at The Architrouve (1433 W. Chicago) and will run through June 30th.

Following that show we headed over to the Subterranean for a Shellac show benefiting Cal Robbins. Albini attempted to wear stilts throughout the show, but only lasted one song. Bob Weston grew out his frilly locks and wore a shirt that read "Nantucket Sucks". Todd was Todd. I swear to God, if Todd Trainer was in any other band I'd probably hate him, but his chiseled good looks and smartass charm wins me over time and time again. Also, the show helped to raise $9000 for the little guy in need of help, so everyone left a winner. It's beautiful outside and I've already wasted too much time in front of the computer today. Enjoy the weekend.

The Speaker Project

2007-04-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Local Chicago artist, Juan Angel Chavez, has an opening this Saturday (April 28, 2007) at the Hyde Park Art Center and it looks promising. From the press release:
Chicago based artist, Juan Angel Chavez will create a multi-directional, multi-layer sound experience at the Hyde Park Art Center from April 28 to July 8. Comprised out of found material we see everyday, such as old billboard signs, wood panel siding and orange traffic cones, the large-scale speaker sculpture will turn the gallery into a laboratory for sound. Audience members are invited to hear how sculpture can change the sound and sight of music.
The Empty Bottle has arranged for a few shows in the space as well, so keep your eyes peeled. If nothing else you can check out the space and amplify your burps, farts, and other inappropriate noises in a room of complete strangers.

when y'all fix'n to write in dat dere blog?

2007-04-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

There's been a lack of updates due to the fact that I spent some time in Louisville. I'll get back on the horse though. In the meantime here's the picture I put in the very back of the last issue of the zine. Enjoy.

Kenny Anderson in Hot Chocolate

2007-04-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

So what if this is slowly turning into a skate blog? It's getting warm out and I'm excited to get around the city via stupid wooden toys again. Plus, it's easy to actually make a post once a day when I'm putting up clips. Anyway, I believe this is the most recent part Kenny Anderson put out (correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.) Every once and a while I'm amazed by certain pros that manage to have extremely sticky feet. Tim Brauch was the king of that style of skating. But this is Kenny and here he is light as a feather.

ADIDAS SK8 COMMERCIAL

2007-04-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, it's Adidas, but this commercial rips. Besides, the Gonz skates for them, so it can't be all that bad. Anyway, according to the caption on youtube it's Lem Villemin, Nestor Judkins, Dennis Busenitz and Tim O'Connor. It's nice to see a long ass line without any breaks. I still won't buy the shoes though.

Tincan Folklore

2007-04-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's funny when people look back at Stereo's Tincan Folklore because they either loved it or hated it. It really had nothing to do with the skating, it was all the arty filler stuff in between the parts. Anyway, it's one of my favorite videos showcasing one of my favorite skaters, Ethan Fowler. This was back before he moved to Portland and started wearing all black. Man, the old flannel wearing Ethan ruled. His style as one of the most naturally smooth skateboarders is still pretty untouchable. Only a handful of people can spin 360s with such grace. Anyway, enough of me licking his butt, enjoy the part.

Great Moments in Television (January 15, 2007)

2007-04-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

The show is Super Nanny on ABC during prime time hours. The show revolves around a different family each week that has neglected their children and let them take control of the house. The "Super Nanny" comes in and teaches the parents how normal people raise their kids. Eventually everything is put into its normal place and the nanny leaves. I forgot to mention that the nanny is a chubby British midget. That kind of rules. Week after week we see a family more or less rewarded for being total dipshits. Anyway, the best part of the show takes place in the beginning when we see what assholes the kids are. This took place within a 10 second clip.

Mother: Anthony, would you please pick up your room?
Anthony the 4 year old: Hang on, I have something in my pocket for you. Puts hand in his pocket only to pull it out flipping his mother the bird.

Watching a four year old zing his mother with the middle finger is so fucking radical.

RETURN OF THE JESUS LIZARD

2007-04-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Rejoice, there's a live Jesus Lizard dvd coming out on June 5th. I guess the set was recorded in Boston at some point in 1994, which rules because that's right before they started sucking real hard. I know what you're saying, "Oh Nick, quit being so harsh, they were always a great band." Not true. They kind of started sucking dick towards the end there. One time when I was in St. Louis I found a copy of Blue priced at $5.99, brand new. It only survived a good six minutes on the trip back. Total bummer dudes. Other than that I have nothing but fond memories of this band and I highly suggest you all pick up a copy when it's out. The live show was what really made this band and I'm sure Yow could use the money.