weirdo doppelgangers

Is it just me or does Khalil Greene of the San Diego Padres remind you anyone? Yeah, I think he’s just like Spicoli too.

above the influence my ass

So wait, let me get a few things straight here. Dude smokes a little grass when an alien comes down and steals his girlfriend because she's bummed he togged up a little bit in the park? Right, that's really what happened? This sends two terrible messages out to the youth of today. Either weed is so fucking mind blowing that you'll take one puff and immediately see some face melting shit or that it's not okay to light up, but its fine to run off with a stranger without saying toodles to your family. Dude, pass the bong.

IMDB birthday game

Just about everyday that I can remember I check the internet movie data base for the daily celebrity birthdays. The main page will display generally the four biggest stars of the day and I usually make my roommate(s) guess just how old Jerry Seinfeld or whoever is. Well, today's biggest star is Peter Mayhew (63). Yes, the guy that played Chewbacca in the original Star Wars trilogy. How do you think that makes today's number two, Jason Gray-Stanford (37), feel? Sure he's not Hollywood's brightest star, but at least he's been on a bunch of network shows (such as the critically acclaimed Monk, which I've never seen) and apparently became great friends with Russell Crowe on the set of their film Mystery, Alaska. Surely that out ranks him over fucking Chewie. Whatever. Oddly enough I would've voted for today's number four as numero uno: Sean Whalen. Holy shit, Sean Whalen is 43!

Side note: There's really nothing more intriguing than the forums on IMDB. The worst people in the world post their opinions and erroneous information all over the boards. Yet, I am quite amused on the fact that on Peter Mayhew's page everyone talks about what an asshole he is in real life. So hey Peter Mayhew, FUCK YOU! Love, the IMDB community of shitheads.

doesn't translate well

How come the color of this sofa wasn't covered in any of my color theory classes?

tv life

About an hour ago I was in Jewel and had just grabbed a case of Miller High Life when an employee of Miller came in and began unloading a bunch of beer for the cooler. He was wearing those sweet navy blue shorts and rocking a 1980s dad moustache. He took one look at my future purchase, we nodded at one another and he said, "Good choice my friend." Man, it was FUCKING AWESOME!

wet paint

Ah yes, the Wet Paint song from Sesame Street. For some reason this video made me incredibly uncomfortable when I was a child. It made me feel naughty and dirty. Watching it again now I have no idea as to why, but here it is in all it’s glory.

Aww piss!

I actually wrote this story a few months ago in a different blog, but I highly doubt many of the same people read both. It takes place on January 2nd of this year at the Horseshoe, a north side bar that features 25 cent beers and country music every Tuesday. Enjoy.

Apparently the Horseshoe's 25 cent beer night is now 50 cent beer night and they charge a two dollar cover. What a fucking bummer. I was only in there for about 30 minutes, but I witnessed something truly astonishing.

After a few small cups of beer I had to pee so badly I could taste it. As I was entered the bathroom a girl tried following me in. I explained to her that she was welcome to use the men's bathroom, but unfortunately there was nothing but urinals available at the moment. She told me this made no difference to her. Somehow this information went right over me as all I could think about was getting sprayed with a fire hose in a rain storm. Naturally, I left her behind, unzipped and let loose an unyielding stream of piss. Meanwhile, a dirty looking fat guy was leaving the bathroom. He proved to be the pervert I imagined as immediately says to the girl, "I'm calling your bluff, use the urinal, I wanna watch!" Enter second creepy guy waiting to take a leak. He pops his head in the doorway and urges her on with, "C'mon baby, do it!" To which she replies with, "Fine, I don't give a fuck!" The next thing I know there's a girl standing at the urinal next to me with her pants and underwear down around her ankles crouching over the bowl taking a piss. I look back and forth at her and the creepy scurvy guys watching the entire thing, just staring at her bare ass.

When we were finished I washed my hands and she chose not to.

Kareem Campbell in Trilogy

'Reem has been getting footage again lately, so I figured I'd post up one of his best parts. I remember when this video came out I'd watch this part after school to get hyped up before going out. I think it was around this time also that he had that Transworld interview where he just killed it. I'm pretty sure that was the one where he talked about getting into skating cause it got him around the city when he was slanging drugs. Fuck yeah.

Andy Roy pt. 2

Andy Roy rules. I hope he's not dead now.

Give me the amulet, you bitch!

It's the 20th anniversary of one of my all time favorite films, The Monster Squad, and on the occasion it is finally being released as a two disc dvd set! One of the reasons I'm still drawn to this movie is that it was pretty vulgar at times, despite the fact that its target audience was children. I was having a conversation about this just the other day. We had You Can't Do That On Television(look for a future post on this show) and other types of atrocities. My generation saw incredibly rapid development in technology, while hippy dippy baby boomers were running the entertainment industry. It seems like we were the last group of children to undergo a trial and error process of standards and all the wonderful mistakes helped make us who we are today. I feel bad for kids who grew up on anime. Total bummer for them. Anyway, back to the movie, it's still hilarious from reel to reel. From the infamous scene were they kick the Wolfman in the balls, to a fat kid's nickname being "fat kid" it's nonstop hilarity. Man, I can't wait to buy this film and I couldn't recommend it to you anymore. This is the opposite of, as Frankenstein says in the movie, "Bogus!"

Here's a small clip with one and a half scenes from the film. Rudy, the baddest motherfucker ever, appears in both. Note the teenage smoking and use of the word "faggot." Enjoy!

anti-drunk room

A few years ago while I'd been drinking I did some artwork for a friend's room while he was at school. I had free range since he was away, but had to make it quick knowing my time was limited. My state of mind had convinced me that he'd wanted me to create something magnificent to surprise him. I came up with the anti-drunk room. The upper most border of each wall was given a small stencil of a sheep facing the left. Each sheep was then given a specific number, which counted upwards in the direction they were facing. The reason the sheep continually walked west was due to the fact that I realized anytime I've ever been so drunk that I got the spins they went to the right. This way my friend, who was quite a lush at the time, could counterbalance his nightly chore of getting sick in bed. It also has the obvious tie in of trying to fall sleep while counting sheep. Duh. Additionally, I like that it looked a lot like a child’s room, despite the very naughty things going on within its walls.